A month ago I finished a track for the Tip Jar song competition and I’ve been very lazy in not posting it here until now. It’s a song I wrote a while back about my experience of how self doubt and low self-esteem can ruin relationships. It’s existed in an unfinished form for quite a while so I’m very happy to finally get it out.

Lyrics:

I can’t clear my mind
Of these dangerous doubts
But there’s no safety in
Pretending I can hide
All alone and be satisfied
I need someone with me
to share my company

I play into your fears
When I cannot conquer mine
And your trembling heart is telling you
What your heart already knew
And you finally decide to say
Before you finish and walk away

Indecision is still a decision to undecide
What you feel inside
Indecision is still a decision it’s a thief of time
That will rob you blind

I try to strengthen my resolve
Put my past in my control
Who controls the past
Controls the future
But my doubts are rising up
Against my will to interrupt
The script of tragedy
That brought me to my knees
I’ve got to change my life
If I’ll ever get out of here
So I’ll unmake these points of view
Pen my past as something new
And bring the power of the one
To the passion of the young

Indecision is still a decision to undecide
What you feel inside
Indecision is still a decision it’s a thief of time
That will rob you blind

If you don’t feel it
You have to walk away
Don’t let your fear of confrontation
Leave you caged another day

Indecision is still a decision to undecide
What you feel inside
Indecision is still a decision it’s a thief of time
That will rob you blind

Sitting here every day
Scrolling through the trashcan
Of everybody else’s random thoughts

I’m an addict, but I can’t stop voyuerizing
Cos while I am it’s hypnotizing me
From being what I want to be

I try to force myself to be productive
But it doesn’t work that way
I just get blocked and stuck again

All I really need to do is just stop needing this
To be something I’m not
Stop being so afraid to tell the truth

I’m locked away
Doing all the same things and hoping for something new
I’m locked away
And I’m living in a self destructive mess it’s true
And I’m living in a self destructive mess it’s true
And I’m living in a self destructive mess it’s true

Now even though I know how this works
Doesn’t make it go away
Every day I still struggle against this force of undoing
That pushes me down again

I used to hope that I would conquer it one day
But now I know
That this fight against the force of doing nothing
Is the way of all good men

I’m locked away
I’m sickening in an endless loop with you
I’m locked away
Doing all the same things hoping for something new
I’m locked away
And I’m filling up my head with screens that just make me blue
I’m locked away
And I’m living in a self destructive mess it’s true
And I’m living in a self destructive mess it’s true